Rescue ME

 

In Memory of Kit~~11-18-2012 to 5-23-2014

 

~Lessons From My Rescue~

Trust cautiously, but once it’s earned, jump.

Greet like it’s been forever.

Appreciate each meal, even if it’s the same thing every day.

Exercise like it’s fun, not a chore.

Believe in the family bed.

Kiss often.

Protect loved ones.

Have faith in in humanity.

Keep love uncomplicated.

Say goodbye like it’s the last time.

Live each day like it’s your last.

 

This site is about education, but what better education than lessons from a dog?  My Kit Kat has been on my mind so much lately.  Such a short life, but such an impact on our world.  She helped me in so many ways, one of which was to finish my middle grade novel about a boy who befriends a boy with Autism with help from his dog, Daisy.  I can't give away more of the plot...God willing you will see it on bookshelves!  And maybe a movie, if I'm lucky. 

 

My Many Colored Days

My daughter brought home a Dr. Seuss book from her school library.  I thought I had read every Dr. Seuss book that there was to read.  Fun ones and inspirational ones like Oh, The Places You'll Go.  I had never read or heard of My Many Colored Days. 

The text of the book was simple and yet so honest to the true feelings that we all have, both children and adults.  It opened up a new avenue to an easier way for her to describe her feelings.  "What color are you today?" I now ask. It helped her to pick out an outfit in the morning and sift through her feelings before she went to sleep. 

My Many Colored Days is wonderful for children, but I took advantage of it's beauty as well, as I often do with children's books.  I could more easily pinpoint my moods while standing in the eye of the hurricane of motherhood, and life for that matter. After reading this book I was kinder to myself for having so many emotions.  I have been called moody more times than I can count.  But, if I share the same feelings as Dr. Seuss, then I am not doing half bad, in fact I am proud to say that I too, have many colored days.

Testing, 1-2-3

I resigned from teaching about 7 years ago to become a stay at home mom.  This was just about the time that the New York State tests at the elementary level became more important than our actual lessons so I was more than happy to leave and live my dream of raising my children.  But the testing has followed me, as I view it now from a parent's perspective as my daughter entered 1st grade.

My daughter is now bringing home graded work, papers marked up with a BIG number at the top.  I posted her tests on the fridge, proud of the 95's and 100's.  But, she was often in tears.  If she didn't land a perfect score, she was heartbroken. 

Now, two thoughts are occurring to me at this new phase in our lives.  First, the time has come that I will be returning to work in the near future and I am facing the fact that I will soon be the one giving the grades again.  Second, I have to explore my own philosophies of grading in order to guide my daughter as she faces these small blows to her young, and still fragile self esteem.

I will speak frankly when I say that I despised the new testing that would be required of children in order to place schools on a graph, to determine funding, and to rate teachers' effectiveness.  It pained me more than it pained my students to take these tests that they couldn't even read let alone comprehend.  I wanted my voice to be heard from Westchester to Albany that this was ridiculous, and not by letter or email, but by the screaming from the top of my lungs! Not only was this totally inappropriate for children but it took hours upon hours of the teachers' time outside of the classroom grading these tests. And while there is a rubric for grading, there is so much area for interpretation it can't possibly be truly accurate.  But, herein lies my conflict with a grading system.  Analyzing work to be interpreted and evaluated is subjective and can be misconstrued and yet grading, though more concrete, is black and white, right or wrong, pass of fail. 

As far as time out of the classroom for teachers physically, it is time out of a classroom for teachers spiritually.  I can almost guarantee that no teacher out there decided to become a teacher to teach children how to take a test.  They want to TEACH!!!  We are only scraping the surface of what the kids should be learning, and how.  The excitement and fun of LEARNING has been slowly draining through those little bubbles that the kids have to fill in so perfectly.  I remember a day when teaching, if I didn't "finish" a lesson because we ran out of time, that was a good thing because it meant that we were really IN it.  Now, we are so pressured to finish a lesson because we have to save time for test prep that we are sending home work that really should not be done at home, but we are out of time.  Pencils down. 

Now, change gears to the receiving end of the grades.  My daughter has her limits at home, had great guidance in preschool and kindergarten and then so suddenly, she is exposed to GRADES.  I absolutely do not blame the teachers as they are doing their jobs.  When I first saw the numbers on her papers I was thinking, cool, she is now getting real grades as she proudly shared them with the whole family at dinnertime.  Then, I found her hiding papers, to find out later that she didn't get 100 so she tucked them under old work.  Then, in reporting to us that she got a 95 on a test, she broke out in tears, tears that only stopped because she cried herself to sleep. 

So, what do I do with this pain myself?  I don't blame myself because that is wasted time but it is a chance for me to self reflect on many things.  First, did I do too much coddling to make her think that she is in fact perfect and that everyone in the world will always view her as perfect and now her bubble has been popped?  OK, maybe I am blaming my self a bit.  Then I have to think about what does grading mean to me?  How does it play a role in reality and in being a self sufficient, capable adult?  So I explored this with a psychologist.  My own.  Here is what I found.

He shared with me that he had a 3.9 GPA in undergrad then went to a university that does not use grades, just pass fail.  He said it was the hardest thing he had done up to that point in his life. How was he to judge whether or not his paper was "worthy" without criteria?  Then he had to face constructive criticism face to face and that felt more detrimental to his steady 3.9 foundation of confidence than a red mark on a paper.  Point well taken.  So now my hate for the "grade" was a little less.  So what am I to do with all this new philosophical information?

I am coming up with a way to try to explain to my 6 year old what a grade means and how it can help her to determine her own self improvement.    I would like to try an experiment and ask her to not share her grades with me so she can judge herself without the fear of others judging her.  I would love to say that grades don't matter.  But they really do don't they?  Would I have been a better student if I didn't have grades?  I know I work very well under pressure so I can probably say that I would not have done well, even though  I am my own worst critic. 

So my conclusion is, much to my chagrin, grades do matter, but it is how we digest them that is what is truly important.  

Toot Toot

Here to toot my own horn.  Chicken Soup for the Soul, Finding my Faith arrived.  To see a box from Simon and Schuster distributors appear on my door step with my name somewhere in that box was the most surreal moment of my writing ambitions so far.  I am honored to be part of such a great group of writers.  Slowly but surely, my writing resume is getting filled with more meat and less fluff!  Toot Toot! 

Well oiled rusty chain

So your kids are back to school.  Now what?  Well, if you are efficient, organized and have self-starting kids, then you can stop reading.  If you are like me whose head is spinning as I quickly get buried with student handbooks, blank emergency forms, calendars, schedules, book orders, and reading logs (and it is ONLY the first week of school), then please, read on.

Last year I started kindergarten…as a parent.  There was so much to learn, so much to remember, and so much that I forgot.  Is it “A” day? What special does she have?  Sneakers or library book?  Is it “Spirit Day?”  Do I send her to school with 30 braids for crazy hair day or dressed for red, white, and blue day?  Well, at least I got opposite day right!  If I were to write how many times I messed up, I would be writing a book instead of an article.  So I decided to take action (and I really don’t have time to write a book).

Determined to have a year of success and be Mary Poppins, nearly perfect in every way, I got my act in gear.  Not only am I starting the first grade as a parent, I also have a 3 year old and 4 year old, both in pre-school.  Oh, and did I mention that I have a husband?  Now if I forgot to brush my teeth most mornings when they were babies, you can imagine what I will look like trying to keep track of the school years.  Who forgot to put on underwear (not me this time)? Who put their toothbrush in the toilet?  Who left their unfinished homework in the spilled coffee?  As long as I don’t forget to meet them at the bus, then I guess I am doing ok.  But, I digress.

In order to get it together, it will not be pretty, and as most mom’s may agree (and some husbands, too) we have little time primp, whether it’s the hair or the home.  If you like a Town and Country house then you can stop reading this, again.  But if you are still reading this you probably have a Lego rug (ouch) and graffiti walls.  In that case, prepare a large space for your new role of  “program manager.”

First, steal some of your kids school supplies (not really) but stock up on your own supply of things from their list like markers, crayons, tape, glue, scissors, paper, and pencils.  Chances are that if they are using these supplies at school they will be using them for homework, too.  Then, stock up on things for you, like paper clips, post its, folders, a stapler, a calculator, highlighters, an electric pencil sharpener is a MUST, and a fish.

Got your attention?   I keep my “stress fish” nearby so when I get overwhelmed I "take 5" and watch him.  I spend a lot of time with him, by the way. 

So here’s what worked for me:

First, I chose the dining room for my work station which is large enough for all of the things I need to display. The kids can do their homework at the table with the added benefit of forcing us to clean up in time for dinner. 

I got an over the door hanger for their backpacks at the dollar store.  I should mention that I bought all of the supplies at Family Dollar, except my fish.

On one table I set up the following:

• A marker bin, a crayon bin, a cup for pencils, a bin for all the other office supplies, a stack of paper, a stack of construction paper.

• One (paper size) bin for each child for to put notes to parents, book orders, upcoming events, etc.  For me, if I don’t see it, I forget about it. 

• Next, 2 bins (labeled) per child.  I use stackable drawers to save space.  Make drawer one priority, for homework and homework folder.  Drawer two for finished work to be filed at a later time, in storage or in the circular file, whichever you prefer.  

• One pocket folder per child (labeled) for filing report cards, awards, that big student handbook that I will inevitable need to read, and very important letters that should never be thrown away, specifically for children with special needs or 504’s as well as IEP's, dated notes and letters to the school.  

On the wall above I hung a master schedule:

ü      Write due dates, reminders, events, etc, color coded for each child. 

ü      My own events and reminders are a different color, too.  Can’t forget about me! 

ü      For additional reminders, I post my child’s monthly calendar that they bring home next to the master schedule. 

ü      I go one step further and make an extra copy of my child’s schedule and have them decorate and highlight the important days.  I post it in their room so they can reference it when they are getting ready for school or doing homework.  This takes A LOT of stress off of me if they can fend for themselves.  

Finally, teach. The most important tool in this whole process is to teach them to pack and unpack their things and put them in the appropriate bin, drawer, folder, etc.  When a child learns to think about thinking, planning, organizing, and doing, your house will run like a well oiled machine.  Or maybe like a well oiled, rusty chain.  Hey, no one’s perfect. 

Lost and Found

          My husband recently lost his father.  We were not sure how our daughter would handle the news.   How would we explain that she would never see him again?  How would we explain that the pain will lessen with time?  Luckily, my husband works with a fantastic social worker who gave him a book, Lost and Found.

Lost and Found, A Kid’s Book for Living Through Loss by Rabbi Marc Gellmand and Monsignor Thomas Hartman had just what we were looking for.  Comfort in a time of pain.  It offer’s advice on how kids can learn to cope with losing possessions, a game, a friend, parents in a divorce, confidence, trust, a loved one, and more.  The writing is light, straightforward, easy to understand and humorous.  There is a strong element of spirituality in which the authors state, “We make no apologies for this.”  I am not offended by it but grateful because I believe that in order to deal with loss we all need some sort of faith.    

While this book was written for older children, I particularly liked it for my own personal needs for many other reasons. Besides helping me with my own loss of my father in law and in trying to support my husband during this difficult time,   I am trying to teach my children (we also have two boys, 3 and 4 years old) the unimportance of material things like 25 pairs of flip flops or the best toy in the toy store.  The book gives me a great way to explain how we can be happy even if we have very little “stuff.”  This is especially helpful for our family because I chose to be a stay at home mom, living in Westchester County on one salary.  We made the choice to have necessary stuff and not fluff stuff which was the best decision for our family. 

             I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now to help me find myself again after care giving for my family for 6 years.  He not only helped me to find myself but helped me develop confidence and face conflict in an unpredictable world.  I planned on continuing therapy even though there was part of me that felt like I was ready to fly solo.  Upon that decision, I walked into his office last week only to have him tell me that he was leaving the practice to help a family member in need.  Now, need I mention that Lost and Found has helped me with my loss which I took pretty hard.  My sadness over him leaving surprised me because after all, it was a professional relationship right?  Wrong. The chapter on losing a friend helped me deal with my loss even though I am not a child, though I know people who could argue that!

On all levels, this book deals with very real issues that we deal with on a daily basis.  I strongly recommend it, whether you are young or old.  Someone you know, or even you, will need the encouraging words at some point.  And as far as my daughter, she dealt with the loss better than any of us, evident by her bedtime prayers: “Pop, have fun in Heaven with God.”  And as Lost and Found state, “God bless you in your losing and God bless you in your finding.”

                                      

Picture books for young children dealing with death and dying:

 Chester raccoon and the Acorn Full 

                                            of Memories by Audrey Penn

Gentle Willow A Story for Children 

About Dying by Joyce C. Mills, Ph.D.

           The Three R's of Summer...
       Rest, Relaxation, and Reading!

Barbeques, pool parties, a day at the beach…and no homework! While we can all agree that kids need to have a little rest and relaxation over the summer break, it is no surprise that they also need to read.  Educators and researchers have been studying it for years and refer to it as the “summer slide.”  According to the New York State Education Department, it is estimated that the average student can lose up to a month of instruction and disadvantaged students are disproportionately affected (Cooper, 1996).   Here are some helpful tips for parents to support their children and teens: 

ü      Start before the school year ends!  Don’t make the mistake of making the mad dash to the library or bookstore three weeks before September because there is never a guarantee that your child will get the books that they want to read, therefore, resulting in even more of a struggle to read a book and a much more difficult time comprehending it. 

ü      Go to your child’s school web site and print a copy of the suggested summer reading list.  Discuss with your child the books that might interest them the most.  Number the books in order of interest, number one being the most interested.  Even though they might only be required to read 3-6 books, make a list of 10 favorites so you will have back up in case their top three choices are not available. 

ü      Spend an afternoon and take advantage of your local library.  If your child does not know how to search and locate a book, you can show them.  Or ask a librarian.  They are always more than eager to help.  If, however, you are really pressed for time, you can go to your local library web site, search for the books, place a hold to be picked up at the library most convenient for you.  Pop in and pick up the books in five minutes. 

ü      Supplement the summer reading list with books that somehow relate to what your child will be doing this summer.  If you are planning a canoeing trip, check out a non-fiction book about canoes.  Or if you visit a farm, look for a fun book about life on a farm, etc.  Having them read about something that they will do or have experienced can have a great impact. 

ü      As you did when they were babies, don’t ever hesitate to read to them, even teens.  If your child is reading below grade level this can build their vocabulary and give them the opportunity to experience age appropriate literature.  According to PBS.org, it can also help them to develop important language skills, understandings about books and print, and knowledge about how stories are constructed that will help your child become a strong reader and writer. And if for no other reason, it’s quality time with your child and shows them that you are taking an active role in their education.  Your example goes a long way. 

ü      Finally, call your child’s school to see if there are children who might not have easy access to books over the summer and donate a new or gently used book.  Your PTA representative is also a good person to contact to initiate a donation box.  You will feel great having helped a child in need. 

So this summer, do let your child go down a water slide but don’t let your child go down the summer reading slide!   

Happy reading! ~~MEO