Lost and Found

          My husband recently lost his father.  We were not sure how our daughter would handle the news.   How would we explain that she would never see him again?  How would we explain that the pain will lessen with time?  Luckily, my husband works with a fantastic social worker who gave him a book, Lost and Found.

Lost and Found, A Kid’s Book for Living Through Loss by Rabbi Marc Gellmand and Monsignor Thomas Hartman had just what we were looking for.  Comfort in a time of pain.  It offer’s advice on how kids can learn to cope with losing possessions, a game, a friend, parents in a divorce, confidence, trust, a loved one, and more.  The writing is light, straightforward, easy to understand and humorous.  There is a strong element of spirituality in which the authors state, “We make no apologies for this.”  I am not offended by it but grateful because I believe that in order to deal with loss we all need some sort of faith.    

While this book was written for older children, I particularly liked it for my own personal needs for many other reasons. Besides helping me with my own loss of my father in law and in trying to support my husband during this difficult time,   I am trying to teach my children (we also have two boys, 3 and 4 years old) the unimportance of material things like 25 pairs of flip flops or the best toy in the toy store.  The book gives me a great way to explain how we can be happy even if we have very little “stuff.”  This is especially helpful for our family because I chose to be a stay at home mom, living in Westchester County on one salary.  We made the choice to have necessary stuff and not fluff stuff which was the best decision for our family. 

             I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now to help me find myself again after care giving for my family for 6 years.  He not only helped me to find myself but helped me develop confidence and face conflict in an unpredictable world.  I planned on continuing therapy even though there was part of me that felt like I was ready to fly solo.  Upon that decision, I walked into his office last week only to have him tell me that he was leaving the practice to help a family member in need.  Now, need I mention that Lost and Found has helped me with my loss which I took pretty hard.  My sadness over him leaving surprised me because after all, it was a professional relationship right?  Wrong. The chapter on losing a friend helped me deal with my loss even though I am not a child, though I know people who could argue that!

On all levels, this book deals with very real issues that we deal with on a daily basis.  I strongly recommend it, whether you are young or old.  Someone you know, or even you, will need the encouraging words at some point.  And as far as my daughter, she dealt with the loss better than any of us, evident by her bedtime prayers: “Pop, have fun in Heaven with God.”  And as Lost and Found state, “God bless you in your losing and God bless you in your finding.”

                                      

Picture books for young children dealing with death and dying:

 Chester raccoon and the Acorn Full 

                                            of Memories by Audrey Penn

Gentle Willow A Story for Children 

About Dying by Joyce C. Mills, Ph.D.

           The Three R's of Summer...
       Rest, Relaxation, and Reading!

Barbeques, pool parties, a day at the beach…and no homework! While we can all agree that kids need to have a little rest and relaxation over the summer break, it is no surprise that they also need to read.  Educators and researchers have been studying it for years and refer to it as the “summer slide.”  According to the New York State Education Department, it is estimated that the average student can lose up to a month of instruction and disadvantaged students are disproportionately affected (Cooper, 1996).   Here are some helpful tips for parents to support their children and teens: 

ü      Start before the school year ends!  Don’t make the mistake of making the mad dash to the library or bookstore three weeks before September because there is never a guarantee that your child will get the books that they want to read, therefore, resulting in even more of a struggle to read a book and a much more difficult time comprehending it. 

ü      Go to your child’s school web site and print a copy of the suggested summer reading list.  Discuss with your child the books that might interest them the most.  Number the books in order of interest, number one being the most interested.  Even though they might only be required to read 3-6 books, make a list of 10 favorites so you will have back up in case their top three choices are not available. 

ü      Spend an afternoon and take advantage of your local library.  If your child does not know how to search and locate a book, you can show them.  Or ask a librarian.  They are always more than eager to help.  If, however, you are really pressed for time, you can go to your local library web site, search for the books, place a hold to be picked up at the library most convenient for you.  Pop in and pick up the books in five minutes. 

ü      Supplement the summer reading list with books that somehow relate to what your child will be doing this summer.  If you are planning a canoeing trip, check out a non-fiction book about canoes.  Or if you visit a farm, look for a fun book about life on a farm, etc.  Having them read about something that they will do or have experienced can have a great impact. 

ü      As you did when they were babies, don’t ever hesitate to read to them, even teens.  If your child is reading below grade level this can build their vocabulary and give them the opportunity to experience age appropriate literature.  According to PBS.org, it can also help them to develop important language skills, understandings about books and print, and knowledge about how stories are constructed that will help your child become a strong reader and writer. And if for no other reason, it’s quality time with your child and shows them that you are taking an active role in their education.  Your example goes a long way. 

ü      Finally, call your child’s school to see if there are children who might not have easy access to books over the summer and donate a new or gently used book.  Your PTA representative is also a good person to contact to initiate a donation box.  You will feel great having helped a child in need. 

So this summer, do let your child go down a water slide but don’t let your child go down the summer reading slide!   

Happy reading! ~~MEO