The Story Chair: Lost and Found

My husband recently lost his father. We were not sure how our daughter would handle the news. How would we explain that she would never see him again? How would we explain that the pain will lessen with time? Luckily, my husband works with a fantastic social worker who gave him a book, Lost and Found.

Lost and Found, A Kid’s Book for Living Through Loss by Rabbi Marc Gellmand and Monsignor Thomas Hartman had just what we were looking for. Comfort in a time of pain. It offer’s advice on how kids can learn to cope with losing possessions, a game, a friend, parents in a divorce, confidence, trust, a loved one, and more. The writing is light, straightforward, easy to understand and humorous. There is a strong element of spirituality in which the authors state, “We make no apologies for this.” I am not offended by it but grateful because I believe that in order to deal with loss we all need some sort of faith.

While this book was written for older children, I particularly liked it for my own personal needs for many other reasons. Besides helping me with my own loss of my father in law and in trying to support my husband during this difficult time, I am trying to teach my children (we also have two boys, 3 and 4 years old) the unimportance of material things like 25 pairs of flip flops or the best toy in the toy store. The book gives me a great way to explain how we can be happy even if we have very little “stuff.” This is especially helpful for our family because I chose to be a stay at home mom, living in Westchester County on one salary. We made the choice to have necessary stuff and not fluff stuff which was the best decision for our family.

I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now to help me find myself again after care giving for my family for 6 years. He not only helped me to find myself but helped me develop confidence and face conflict in an unpredictable world. I planned on continuing therapy even though there was part of me that felt like I was ready to fly solo. Upon that decision, I walked into his office last week only to have him tell me that he was leaving the practice to help a family member in need. Now, need I mention that Lost and Found has helped me with my loss which I took pretty hard. My sadness over him leaving surprised me because after all, it was a professional relationship right? Wrong. The chapter on losing a friend helped me deal with my loss even though I am not a child, though I know people who could argue that!

On all levels, this book deals with very real issues that we deal with on a daily basis. I strongly recommend it, whether you are young or old. Someone you know, or even you, will need the encouraging words at some point. And as far as my daughter, she dealt with the loss better than any of us, evident by her bedtime prayers: “Pop, have fun in Heaven with God.” And as Lost and Found state, “God bless you in your losing and God bless you in your finding.”